Thursday, March 11, 2010

almost the weekend ..

hey my lovely skinnies
hope you're all doing good!

not much to report over here.. been doing better with my food intake, keep it around 800 cals a day, i know i can go wayyyy lower than that, and i will do so.

went to the doctors today for allergy testing, had my arms pricked like a hundred times so they are now itchy and uncomfortable =( while my mom and i were sitting in the office waiting for the doctor to come in, she said something interesting to me.. she was like, "samantha, you look like you've lost weight." so inside of course i was like YES I LOOK SKINNIER YAYY but obviously i played dumb about it.. oh well lol even if my results are small and pathetic, they are at least a bit noticeable.

all booked up and apointment set for a vertical clitoral hood piercing tomorrow at 2:00! im super excited.. not really nervous but still. i know my tummy will get a bit jumpy once i lay down on that piercing chair.. im too stoked =)

anyway yea sorry this post is kind of all over the place, im feeling a bit.. loopy, i guess. theres just so much going on all at once right now, im getting a bit overwhelmed. i'll try and post later when i get home from work!


Tuesday, March 9, 2010

fat fat fat

i am fat.
i am not in a good mood today...

this morning my mom made a huge breakfast for everyone.. scrambled eggs with salsa and bacon on english muffins.. so good but fatty =( after that my family and i went out to costco to get pictures taken for our passports (surprise surprise, i looked about 200 lbs in mine). afterwards, my dad and brother claimed to be starving so they wanted to go out for lunch. i was already ready to be done eating for the day thanks to the huge breakfast we had. but no, they were hungry so we went out.

i was at least hoping we could go somewhere where i could order a salad, but nope, we ended up going to a little burger shack place. burgers, hotdogs, milkshakes and pop only. good lord kill me now. i had a hotdog and a banana milkshake, dont even want to know the cals.

after that i went to H's house, we played some video games and i avoided eating there. i went straight to work from there at 5, so i missed dinner. didnt eat at work, and i was just on my way home when a friend who works in the kitchen called me over. he had just cooked up some new wok dish, and wanted someone to try it. he said "you look hungry, come eat this and tell me what you think." i looked hungry? ugh. i couldnt really say no, so i took a bite.. and another.. and another.. pretty much inhaled the whole thing.

anyway so there you have it, i am as fat as can be.

oh yeah, my mom made cookies. i've had about twelve so far. someone just needs to come and sew my mouth closed!

maybe i can fast tomorrow... if i can, i will!

take care lovelies,
s. xo

Monday, March 8, 2010

a new week

hey friends
so it is monday yet again, and a new week begins...

i am hoping to stick to the same plan i did last week (~200 cal breakfast, water water water, skip dinner if possible). i think i did okay with it, but i know i can do better!

i have about a month of school left, and i CANNOT WAIT for it to be over. not going to lie, i am pretty disappointed with my first year of university so far. i know it is what you make of it, but im just not enjoying it at all. im taking a variety of courses, none of which are sparking my interest, and half the time i just find myself falling asleep in class, bored to tears. oh well.

i need to buy a proper scale ASAP. i have an ominous feeling that the one i have now i pretty far off the accurate mark, and its probably telling me im a whole lot lighter than i actually am. cause no fucking way do i feel like im 110 lbs. i just feel so damn heavy and flabby and huge =(

anyway girls hope you all have a nice day.
s. xo

Sunday, March 7, 2010

weird weekend

hey guys, sorry ive not really had much to post about over the past few days...

friday was a good day, i made the banana ice cream stuff (180 cals) and it was nothing really like ice cream lol, more just like creamy banana mush.. pretty tasty either way though! i had that an one grape (2 cals) and two almonds (14 cals) for breakfast, so 196 to start my day. went to the mall with H, didnt buy anything though. then we went to the beach cause the weather was amazing, it was the most beautiful day we've had in a long time! managed not to eat up til dinner time, H insisted on going to white spot (fucking hate eating there cause for some reason they have no nutritional info anywhere on the web!) and i had the meditterranean chicken salad.. basically chicken, lettuce/spinach, cucumbers, olives, peppers and onions, no dressing. i guess 350 cals? anyway then H ordered dessert for us, the mini hot fudge brownie, and i only had two bites of it so i dont know, 50 cals? that puts me at around 596 for the day. higher than i would have liked but whatever.

yesterday was a pretty shitty day.. dont really feel like going into detail, but i ate alot, H and i fought, M pissed me off, i cried, was grumpy and felt like i had wasted my whole saturday.

so here i am on sunday morning, still havnt gotten out of bed yet. i dont want to eat anything today. i am back down to 109.5 lbs, but it doesnt really look like it cause my stomach is so bloated for some reason. it looks like im fucking pregnant. really odd though, cause my hipbones are becoming much more visible, yet my stomach seems to stick out farther and farther.. wtf?

i kind of want to go get pierced today. i know i was talking about a tattoo for when i reach 100 lbs, but i think i'll just wait til my birthday in october for that. in the meantime though, i think i've settled on the VCH piercing... just seems really fun to me!

also, hello to my new followers =) hope you are all well, thanks for following.

anyway hope you lovely people have a nice day, i'll post again before i go to bed.

stay skinny,
s. xo

Thursday, March 4, 2010

fast day complete !

hey friends =)
hope you're all well! today, i planned to fast, and i pulled it off. didnt eat a single nibble of anything all day... all i had was bottle after bottle of lime water and one vanilla rooibos tea from starbucks (0 cals!)

also, walked 45 mins to H's house this morning, and then from there, 30 mins to school. and then running around at work from 5 - 9.30, my legs are damn tired! its kind of odd though... all this exercise and no intake at all, and i dont even feel hungry. my stomach has growled maybe twice today lol. oh well at least i know im empty and i feel good about it =)

so plan for tomorrow: im so sorry i cant remember who's blog i found this on, but it is a recipe for ice cream made just from bananas! or something like it anyway. you throw a few frozen bananas in a blender and just blend away until they are completely dissolved.. apparently the consistency is like ice cream? i dont know, but i think im gonna try that for breakfast instead of my oatmeal. two bananas should still come to around 200 cals, a bit less. then after that no more food til dinner.. still not sure if we are going out or not. ill only eat dinner if we end up going out i guess.

in other news... got my period today, already feeling the period bloat and grossness coming on. cramps are brutal =( oh and just a question in case anyone knows.. on the label for my centrum forte, it says do not take less than two hours before or four hours after other meds.. does this inclue ibuprophen and antihistamines? i take two ibuprophens and a reactin pill every morning for my back/leg pain and my allergies, and its kind of a pain to remember to take my mulitvitamin in the middle of the day, or 4 hours later lol. it would be preferable to just take them all at once! the label isnt very specific, so i dont know if it means medication like meds in general or like medication medication... you know what i mean lol.

i am currently reading a great book, its called the lost symbol, by dan brown. he's the guy who wrote angels and demons, and the da vinci code. its an awesome read if you enjoyed those books, i recommend it! i have been meaning to get to the library and pick up a copy of wasted by marya hornbacher, defs want to read that soon. anyone seen any good movies lately? anything you can recommend to me?

anyway thats all for now, im super tired sooo gonna try and get a solid 8 hours sleep!

stay focused ladies =)
s. xo

Wednesday, March 3, 2010


hey everyone
today was both good and bad... lets start off with the good.

i had my breakfast this morning, oatmeal (160 cals) and an apple (60 cals), for a 220 cal meal. i went off to school, and my class got let out early today. i was walking towards the bus stop when i thought hey, why dont i just walk home? now im always up for nice long walks and exercise, but this long walk would be REALLY long. like, almost two hours long. but hey, i had nothing better to do. so i walked, two hours, home.

finally arrived home, jumped in the shower and took a short nap. my mom was out getting groceries, so i thought i would be able to escape dinner altogether before work, but my dad got home about half an hour before i was to leave, and he forced me to eat. so i had a bowl of chicken soup (100 cals) which wasnt too bad, considering all the exercise i had just gotten. anyway i get to work, and within an hour of being there, i caved =( there was a mistake fried rice sitting in the back.. i stood and stared at it for probably 5 minutes before eating, trying so hard to convince myself NO. but i couldnt.. i failed. i ate a few mouthfuls of it, and then a bite or two of chocolate cake, and then a whole god damn chicken sandwich. what the fuck samantha?!?! i wasnt even hungry!

sooo im trying to work out the cals in my head a bit.. work was super super busy so i was running a lot, plus the 2 hour walk, that must be a lot of cals burnt? hopefully it sort of evens out the cals i ingested. ewww. tomorrow will be a fast day! just cause i feel like it, not really to punish myself. water and tea only.

so here is my plan for tomorrow:

get up around 9, shower, get ready for the day
leave the house at 11, walk to H's (about a 40 min walk)
arrive there probably 11.45, hang out with him til 1.30 (NO EATING)
leave at 1.30, walk to school from his house (about 20 mins)
class from 2-4, mom will pick me up from school at 4.15
start work at 5, so hopefully i will avoid dinner
dont fucking eat at work ! good grief.
probably be there til 10 or 10.30, straight to bed when i get home.

sound good? yes. lots of walking and exercise tomorrow. i want to wake up on friday feeling empty empty empty. i may be going out for dinner with some friends on friday night, if that is the case i wont eat breakfast or anything before that. hopefully we go to red robin or something, they have that great huge salad that is like 320 cals. saturday i will be drinking heavily, its a friend's birthday, soo i'll probably eat breakfast on saturday and then a very small little something before the party just so i dont puke lol.

so disappointed that i caved at work, i was doing so good too =( hmph. fuck you stomach.

anyway.. hope you girls all had a good day! lets make tomorrow an even better one!

love you all,
s. xo

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

getting a grip

hello ladies !
i had a very good day today. stuck to my plan, didnt snack, did quite well =)

for breakfast i had my oatmeal (160 cals) and a kiwi fruit (40 cals) as planned. that was going to be it for the day but M stopped by unexpectedly with a skinny vanilla latte (90 cals) for me.. thank god it was skinny =) i managed to miss dinner completely, and at work i didnt have a single bite of anything, a single french fry, nothing! just some tea near the end of my shift (2 cals).

so that brings my total for the day to 292 calories, 92 of which are liquid. i am very okay with this !! work was busy too, so i was running around a lot, definitely got a bit of a workout. also, i drank SOOO much freaking water today... and i feel great, i probably peed like twenty times. i have this great water bottle, its like a whole litre, i probably refilled it 6 or 7 times today between 10am and 5pm! my mom bought some lime juice, so i flavoured my water with that instead of lemon juice today. im still meaning to go to the store so i can buy some packets of crystal light to make my water more exciting.

so tomorrow im aiming for the same type of day. i have school from 10-2, so ill eat breakfast before then and hopefully i'll be able to miss dinner again because i have work starting at 5. i hope its as good as today was!

i know its only been one day of getting my shit together, but im starting to feel better already. i really need to try hard to stick to this! hope you girls have a great week.

think thin always!
s. xo

Monday, March 1, 2010

starting fresh... again

hey friends.. happy march!
hope you are all well! its been a long ugly day for me today, im glad to be home =(

okay so. i have been doing terribly the past week. im embarrassed about it so im not going to go into much detail. didnt really stick to any of my plans at all =( but now it is a new month, time for a fresh start, more new plans, the whole lot of it lol. i feel like i've been letting you guys down.. you're all doing so great and heres me, stuffing my face like a fatass. i dont deserve to be here. anyway, here's the plan for march.. the days are all pretty much the same lol.

mondays [school 10-4]: oatmeal + any fruit for breakfast (~200 cals), water throughout the day, skip dinner if able.
tuesdays [work 5-11]: oatmeal + any fruit for breakfast (~200 cals), water throughout the day, "eat dinner" at work to avoid eating at home.
wednesdays [school 10-2, work 5-11]: oatmeal + any fruit for breakfast (~200 cals), water throughout the day, "eat dinner" at work to avoid eating at home.
thursdays [school 2-4, work 5-11]: oatmeal + any fruit for breakfast (~200 cals), water throughout the day, "eat dinner" at work to avoid eating at home.
fridays: oatmeal + any fruit for breakfast (~200 cals), water throughout the day, if i eat out SALAD ONLY
saturdays: oatmeal + any fruit for breakfast (~200 cals), water throughout the day, if i eat out SALAD ONLY
sundays [work 12-8]: oatmeal + any fruit for breakfast (~200 cals), water throughout the day, "ate dinner" at work already

k you might be asking yourself why i just basically wrote the same thing 7 times over lol, but thats my OCD for you, it would bug the shit out of me if i didnt have the same little format for each day. anyway so yeah basically eat breakfast every day to get the metabolism going but keep it around 200 cals. monday night is really the only night i am home around dinner time, so if i do have to eat with my family, once a week wont be so terrible. tuesday, wednesday and thursday i will "eat dinner at work", thats easy enough. fridays and saturdays can be scary (no work or school to keep me busy) but ill stick to salad and water only if H and i go out to eat. no snacking, no eating at work. drink as much water as possible! i gotta stick to this. i pretty much gained back all the weight i lost over the past month, and i feel disgusting.

well now that the olympics are done its back to school for me... yuck. on the bright side being at school will keep me busy and able to not eat without anyone noticing. im sad that the olympics are done, the buzz around the city was so much fun, it was a great two weeks, and hey what about that amazing hockey game yesterday?! 3-2 against the USA in overtime!! a grand total of 14 GOLD MEDALS!!! definitely a proud moment to be canadian =)

anyway lovelies that is what i am going to do!
hope you all had a nice day =)
stay strong and think thin !

s. xo