Saturday, May 22, 2010

I'm Back...

hey guys, sorry for disappearing. long story short, my boyfriend found my blog and i kind of freaked out because there was a lot of personal and private things in it, so it turned me off of posting. i have missed you all very much though, and i have some pretty horrible news.

in the two months that i have been gone,
i have gained
15 pounds.

yup. i now weigh 125 lbs.

my body is ruined. i dont know what came over me.. without the support of this blog and all to keep myself on track, i've lost control completely. i just eat. i put anything and everything in my mouth without thinking. its disgusting. my stomach is huge and bloated all the time, my thighs have expanded, even my fucking arms and back are flabby now. my face too.. i feel so ugly.

i just cant stay away from here any longer.. it was you guys that kept me on track. it was so much easier for me to be good about food when i knew that i had people to come through for.. i hate being such a disappointment. a failure. a big FAT failure.

anyway. i need a new plan, something to sort me out properly. new goals and new discipline. i need to fucking focus or i am just going to keep gaining weight and becoming even more revolting. i think im going to aim for 700 cals a day, or less. lots of what i eat is just shit food, so it'll be easy enough to cut that out. 700 cals, and at least one hour of exercise a day.

not too much has happened in the two months that i've been gone, other than me turning into a nasty horrific blob. i lost my job, the restaurant closed down so everyone got let go, and i still havnt found another one. school is over, so i literally have no life other than seeing friends and such. i think the fact that i have absolutely nothing to keep me busy is contributing greatly to my weight gain. so instead of being a fucking lazy cow and sitting around and eating all day, i need to be putting this free time to good use.

i hope you all have been well.. i've been sort of keeping up with your guys' blogs, and im so proud of all of you that are achieving your goals. keep up the great work ladies, hopefully you can help motivate me to get back on track =(

stay skinny,
s. xo