ugh a lousy ending to my fast

hey ladies...
well yesterday was both amazing and horrible. let me start you off with the amazing bit.

H and i went downtown to soak up some of the olympic festivities, so we got up bright and early, hopped on the train and got there at about 10. it was an absolutely gorgeous day, the sky was bright blue, not a cloud in sight, the view of the mountains was crisp and it wasnt too hot or too cold. we wandered about for a few hours taking in the sights, the neat displays, and taking loads of pictures (pretty much all of which i looked fat in btw). we stopped off at starbucks when we first got there and i got my vanilla rooibos tea (0 cal, and i sipped on that to keep my stomach from screaming at me. i was feeling pretty weak at this point, wandering around a big city for 4 hours on a (3 day) empty stomach will do that to you lol.

anyway our day was lovely, it was pretty much perfect. around 3 oclock, H announces that he is hungry and wants to go to red robin. i know this fast was supposed to last three days, but at this point i wasnt feeling too well. i have a "safe" food at red robin, so i agreed to go. we went and i ordered the apple chicken salad (with no candied nuts, no dressing, 316 cals). it was a light meal and filled me right up. i planned to stay at 316 for the day, and i did, right up until i got to work.

remember how i was telling you guys that deadmau5, my favourite dj, is putting on a free show tonight? well theres going to be like 15,000+ people trying to fit into an 8000 person venue for this show, so people are going downtown to line up super early. anyway H doesnt get off work until 4, and even though the show is at 9, thats still too late to go try and get a spot in the line (it takes about an hour to get downtown from where i live, and on top of that he would have to shower, get ready etc so we wouldnt likely get down there til around 6). he knew over a month ago about the show, and that he would be getting off work at that time, yet he failed to book the day off or get an earlier shift or anything like that. anyway we were planning to go down with my girlfriend M, who also wanted to get down there as early as possible. so i told H sorry, we cant really wait that long for you to get off work, because we wont be able to get into the show, soo unfortunately it looks like you wont be able to come. here is where the horrible bit of my day starts.

let me just say, H is a bit of a drama queen. he is sensitive and overreacting, and can be a bit of a baby sometimes. not to talk him down, he is an amazing guy, but ... sometimes i just want to strangle him. so here we go, i get this big speech about how "its a slap in the face" to him, "i have no regard for his feelings", "im so obsessed with this dj and dont care about H at all," etc. needless to say, a bit of a dramatic reaction to missing a concert. obviously i felt bad, i really wanted him to come and share the experience and everything, but honestly if we waited around for him we wouldnt have been able to get in anyway. so now he starts telling me he doesnt want me to go. okay, well what about M? what about the fact that we've had this plan for ages yet you failed to accomodate it? so i told him sorry, no, im going still. anyway this whole ordeal was through text message while im at work, so i was getting pretty upset. he said so much bullshit to me and i got so angry, and the first thought i had was eat. there was a mistake pizza sitting in the back, and i had walked past it a few times already simply ignoring it, but i now i walked straight up to it, grabbed four slices and went downstairs and shovelled them all down. eat to fucking spite him. now obviously me eating pizza is not a real revenge on H, but whatever, i was super pissed at the time. once i ate the pizza, i couldnt stop. i ate dry ribs, half a chicken burger, and fries. once i got off work (please close your eyes if you dont want to puke) i went right through the mcdonalds next door to my resturant and ordered myself a mcflurry. a goddamn mcflurry. so i get home, scarf it down in 3 minutes, and start ravaging all the valentines chocolate in the house.

i finally went to bed in tears, feeling like such shit. i looked at my belly, which after 2.5 days of no food, was now the size of a freaking soccer ball. i was so angry, angry at myself, angry at H, angry at the food, angry because im such a failure. i dont even want to know how many cals i consumed last night. i was going to post like i usually do to tell you guys about my day, but i just wasnt feeling it. even now, its 9am, and i already feel like a wreck. ive been looking forward to this day, to tonight, for so long, but ughh. im not happy at all.

anyway i'll probably try and keep it under 500 cals today. im drinking tonight, so i want a little something in my stomach so i dont puke and get kicked out of the place.

next week, im going to do lacie's apples and water diet for a few days. you guys wont believe it, its miraculous, but im only up to 109.5 after all last night's shit. im so tired of seeing 110 and 109, i want to get down to 105 asap.

so yeah im off to get ready for the big night tonight, hopefully a little booze and some sweet hardstyle music will help me forget about last night. hope you ladies have a great day!

stay stronger than me lol
love you guys and thanks for all the comments.

s. xo